Self Regulation, Up Regulation, Down Regulation, Co Regulation - Finding your Steady State

Self regulation is a tool for life offering a nervous system that is flexible, robust and responsive rather than reactive to all life's challenges

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Self regulation is not about being calm all the time. It is about knowing your nervous system, recognising what state you are in, and choosing helpful steps that bring you back to a steady baseline.

In real life we move through many states. Sometimes we need to up regulate to find energy and focus. At other times we need to down regulate to soften, settle and rest. The goal is flexibility, not permanent relaxation.

There is also an important difference between self regulation and self soothing. Self soothing often shows up when we feel overwhelmed or shut down. The day has been too much, so we reach for familiar comforts like eating, drinking, doomscrolling or sinking into a box set. These strategies can help us get through tough moments, yet they do not always help our system return to balance. They may numb or distract rather than regulate.

Self regulation is different. It begins with awareness. You notice you are getting dysregulated. You might feel scattered, flat, foggy or ready to hide away. You name the state. You sense the triggers, both external and internal. Then you choose actions that support your body and mind to come back to your centre without relying on old coping habits that do not serve you.

Understanding up regulation and down regulation helps here. Upregulation gently lifts your system when you feel collapsed or shut down. Helpful options include:

• A brisk walk that raises your heartbeat a little
• Humming, gentle shaking or a lively playlist
• Reaching out to a trusted person for safe contact

Downregulation helps when you feel wired, anxious or overwhelmed. Supportive choices include:

• Slow breathing with longer exhalations
• Grounding your feet and noticing contact with the floor
• Progressive muscle relaxation from head to toe

Both paths sit within self regulation because both restore flexibility. The aim is not to pursue calm at all costs. It is to respond to what is present and guide yourself back to a place of balance progressively and naturally.

Co regulation is a vital part of this process. We first learn to self regulate through safe connection with others. If our primary caregivers were calm and consistent, our nervous systems learned steadiness. If we grew up around chaos, stonewalling or shutdown, we may not have had that modelling.

The good news is that co regulation is available in adulthood. Supportive relationships, skilled bodywork and grounded therapeutic spaces can all offer the steady presence that helps our system settle and learn new patterns.

The Soma Massage Method™ with Soma Massage™ sessions honour this in bringing together somatic practices, attentive touch and clear consent to create a safe platform for regulation. We do not fix you or tell you how to feel. We offer a calm, attuned space where your system can slow down or gently awaken as needed. You are invited to notice breath, sensation and emotion at your own pace. We listen through our presence, our eyes, our voice and our touch, so your body can experience and remember what balance feels like.

We also teach simple, everyday practices you can take home. These tools support self regulation between sessions:

• Name it to tame it. Briefly label your state. Overwhelmed, flat, buzzy, foggy or steady.
• Check your triggers. Note one external cue and one internal cue that shifted you.
• Choose one step. Pick an up regulation or down regulation action and try it for two minutes.
• Track the impact. Ask yourself if you feel a little better, not perfect.
• Adjust with self compassion. If it did not help, try a different strategy without judgement.

Boundaries are another aspect to self regulation. They protect your energy and reduce preventable dysregulation. You might set limits around news intake, commit to a screen curfew, or schedule breaks between meetings. Small boundaries can create big stability and an increase in self trust.

Many of us may lean on coping strategies that made sense in the past or that were the only ways available to us. I have used food and alcohol in the past and more recently doomscrolling. Awareness is the turning point. When you recognise the pattern with compassion, you gain insight and access to choose something that supports your nervous system in a different way.

Many clients describe a sense of dropping in a Soma Massage™ session. The outside noise fades, and in that space, their own answers begin to surface. Key benefits clients feed back include stress relief, better sleep, clearer boundaries, improved self awareness and steadier energy. None of this is achieved through force. It grows from consistent, kind attention. This is the heart of regulation.

Self regulation is a skill you can build. Co regulation offers a bridge when you need it. Up regulation and down regulation are tools for real life, not ideals to pursue. With practice, patience and the right support, you can return to a steady state more often and stay there more easily and consistently. Your system is designed to find balance. We are here to help you remember how.